Hello world! Everyday that passed by and I was still pregnant, was another miracle in itself. Everyday I knew it could be the last day I would be pregnant with Gracie. Everyday went by slow and fast at the same time if that makes sense. I couldn’t wait to get to the 17th week mark in my pregnancy because the doctor’s kept telling me that was the week that they called the “hump” to get over. Meaning, Gracie had a better chance to survive if we made it to 17 weeks. As the mother carrying Gracie, each day was like a race, and each day brought us closer to the finish line. It was a very surreal time in my life because it was filled with so much uncertainty. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going half the time. I didn’t feel grounded at all. I felt lost. I had a very stressful job with very demanding clients, but even through all of that, God brought me through somehow. I remember crying after each Caring Bridge post and contemplating over what I had just said. It was flat out hard. Life was hard and unbearable at times, so much so, that there were times I told Josh I wanted a divorce because if we lost Gracie, I told him, that I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way. A wicked thing to say I agree, and I wish I could take that back, but I felt like I was losing my mind. I struggled EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Thank the good Lord, that he gave me a job to keep me busy and a toddler to run after.
I want to share with you now a few journal entries from the Caring Bridge website I wrote in real time as this was happening to us.
Journal Entry by Gina Parpart — August 19, 2013
Today I went in to check for a heartbeat and the bpm were in the 160s. She is still fighting…
My next ultrasound is this Friday, August 23rd at St. Mary’s hospital.
Journal Entry by Gina Parpart — August 23, 2013
Today Josh, Arabella and I went to St Mary’s for an ultrasound to check on Gracie and to see if she made any progress. The cystic hygroma on the back of her neck has grown yet again, this time to about 9 mm. Which almost 2 weeks ago, it was at 7.3mm. Apparently, though, the doctor saw no fluid forming around the heart or lung area at this time. It is contained to the belly area for now. Today, we saw baby Gracie moving her arms around over her head. It was the first time I saw any real good movement from her. The technician printed off gosh, at least 8 pictures of our girl. Our weekly check ins for a heartbeat will continue until our next ultrasound, which is scheduled on Friday, September 13. This will be the hump that we are hoping to get to…the 17 week mark! Thank you to all who have been thinking of our family in this difficult time. We truly appreciate all of your support.
Journal Entry by Gina Parpart — September 6, 2013
It’s our wedding anniversary today of 2 years and I went in today to check on baby Gracie’s heartbeat. In the 170s! Sounding good. We will know more at the 17 week ultrasound next Friday, September 13. This week already at 16 weeks! Time has flown it seems.
Journal Entry by Gina Parpart — September 13, 2013
Well, today we went in and the news wasn’t at all good news. Although the cystic hygroma has shrunk, which could possibly only mean that Gracie has grown, the fluid has built up all around her body. The doctor has only given her a couple to a few weeks to live. I asked her if she has ever seen a baby with Turners get better after seeing what she saw, and she said no. My blood pressure was up as well. Monday, my blood pressure came down, but still on the higher side for what is normal for me. Friday was a very emotional day and still is today. I feel her kicking around in there, and heard her heartbeat again today, Monday. I am now hoping for a big miracle for our sweet baby girl.
My blood pressure always went up when I went to see the doctor’s because I always feared the news they would tell me! I tried to stay calm, but how can one stay calm knowing that any second you know you could lose your baby? So, we hit the 17 week mark, but the news was still grim according to the doctor’s and let me tell you, that whole time waiting to hit the 17 week mark wasn’t an enjoyable time by any means. It was the finish line I was hoping for, but to be let down once again, was so difficult.
I know during this time, I must have been a terrible person to be around. Honestly, I cannot remember, but I know what I felt inside, and I know it showed on my face. I usually wear my emotion on my sleeve so I’m sure people around me knew I was in pain. However, by God’s grace and mercy, I did get through, and I am here today to tell my story. I am grateful for that.
Many Blessings,
Gina, The Butterfly Mum
Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
If you missed the first two posts about our miracle girl Gracie, here they are!
#1 Gracie’s Miracle Story https://thebutterflymum.com/?p=104 #2 Gracie’s Miracle Story https://thebutterflymum.com/?p=292
